Posting another stupid lovesick story from "The Other Side of Me". Wow this is the first time to have this kind of story here. Anyway, I just feel like featuring it for now. Just for a change.
The other writer, the other side of me
I hated myself even more. Because I know I'll always be the last choice, the 2nd best, the one to cover up their needs and wants for the time being.
I feel lifeless right now. Sobrang lutang lang ako sa harap nya. I feel nothing. I say and react like a robot. I feel nothing right now.
I don't know exactly what I am right now. Galit ba ako? Inis? Malungkot?" Ano ba talaga? Hindi ko alam. It's like a void space. I don't have a word for it but it feels like the sum of everything I could ever feel and endure.
I only know one thing: It kills me.
Me and my miserable events. I don't even know how I came across it. He says it's all in the past. I know. I've told that myself a long time ago. But why do I feel powerless? I don't know.
Sa pictures lang wala akong pakialam. It's nothing to me. But thoughts, kept lurking, that which haunts you. Words. They mean more to me this time. And with words came the questions.
How true is it when he tells me this and that... kisses me and tells me how much I'm dear to him?
When you see things then read things, it's an overload. The same words he used and expressed to his past love is just the same as mine. And he always tells me that he was never like that before, that I made him this and that and he's thankful of it, that he will do everything for us, walang iwanan, and all that shit. It's like a broken record, played all over again. I don't know what else to believe in.
I can't be mad at him. Neither to his past love. I can't feel any anger towards them because it's already done, in the past. What they said is just what they felt at that time. And that's normal.
I can't be mad at him because he didn't do anything. He never did.
I can't be mad at him because it was my choice to open the previous chapters of his life. It was my choice to engage myself in that part and read every chapter of it mentioning him.
I can't be mad at him because I know he loved her, dearly.
I just can't be mad. I'm not mad. But I'm hurt.
I feel their love. It's touching to read their exchanges all over again. Those where truly sweet and all that. I'm touched because it's said from the bottom of their hearts. I honestly feel that reading everything from how they met and how they were together.
When I see their pictures together, it's like magic. Just perfect. They look good together. Honestly, they look better together. And I feel sorry that things really turned out sour for the two of them. I feel sorry they had to go on separate ways. I feel like I wanted to put them together again. I just feel that I want to be the way they were.
So how did it really end up? He said he broke up. I don't know. I think it's true. On the other hand, I think it's because she had to go away to a foreign land. Or because she met someone there that's why HE decided to have me to cover up that hole in his broken heart. Please I know he loves her deeply. Or maybe she broke up with him.
I remember it well when he once showed me his ex's profile page. He showed me a picture of her being with another man, "Pinagpalit nya ako sa foreigner". there was an ounce of stress on that statement. I felt he was hurt. I felt like maybe he still regrets it during that time, well in fact kami na nun.
I suddenly remembered things, very sharply. He would always tell me that he likes me for letting him just do what he wants in life. He's free as long as he's happy I let him be. He tells me how much he hated the way his ex treated him. "Ayoko yung ginagawa nya. Para akong call center. Maya't maya tinatawagan." Pero bat ganun, yung sa message nya, sa blogpost nya sa ex nya sabi nya. "Yung palagi nya akong tinatawagan" under his blogpost "Mga bagay na gusto ko kay..." .
Knowing that he mentioned to her every single thing he told me, made me feel lifeless. It's like a recording, you just hit playback. Nothing sincere, nothing new. It feels like he just wants you to feel your special when you're not. I know Im not. Now I know Im no different.
Wow he never wrote this much before, nor does he take the time and effort to do this kind of stuff. There's just too many things, too much from his post that I wanted to mention but I'll end up with a hundredfold pages of comments and more.
Then he continues in his post, "I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU/ WALANG IWANAN
Ayan nakakatuwa kasi isa din to sa sinasabi nya at alam ko naman na di nya ako iiwan at bilang pangako ko sa kanya di ko din siya iiwan tanda ng pag mamahalan namin sa isat isa, both kami mag susumikap para matulungan ung magulang namin at maghahanda para sa pagsasama namin mga 5-6 years after :)"
Another broken record. I feel fake right now. Why does every single thing have to be exactly or very close to perfectly same with what he tells me now? I feel like a copycat of her. Her shadow. Im not me. Im no different. I feel like I just copied her even if I do not know her personally. I feel guilty.
Knowing that she doesn't delete posts about him, makes me think twice. Does she still have feelings for her? Does she still have heartaches? Does she still that one day they'll be ok again?
It leaves me a sense of guilt being involved in this. I know they broke up a long time ago before he met me. But I feel like I am standing there, between them, being that hindrance to the so called fate to bring them together again.
It sucks. They deserve each other so much that I suddenly felt empty. What does it have to do with mine? I felt powerless. I felt lifeless.
In my attempt to know all things, I dug the past. Alas! I fell into a pit. And it's pitch black inside. I see nothing. I hear nothing.
Masokista ata ako or sadista kasi kailangan ko saktan sarili ko ng ganito? I'm medling in the past when there is already a present to start over?
But the problem is I got stuck in the past and all the shit I got myself into. There's just too much to question and think about. So many things to regret for them. So many things I think should have happened between them.
I feel nothing. Because I'm left with nothing. Everything's with him.
And I'm very selfish because I wanted things for myself only, which is so wrong. I'm very insecure because I know I'm far from her.
I dont know why the heck should i read everything and screenshot everything that would make me feel worse, pictures and posts. It's like I'm making myself drown into all this bittersweet memories of theirs. I wanted myself to drown to death.
At first the photos meant nothing, I even felt happy for him. But I guess digging for more got me. Words got me and left me with so many questions.
It hurts my head. It keeps me awake late at night that I had to take two bottles to make me feel sleepy. Worse, I still had to endure an hour before it took effect.
Maybe I wanted to kill myself inside with all this stuff, because I wanted to know what I'm worth. What's in me that's worth bringing back to life?
I hated myself for being to weird and wanting to keep things for myself. I guess I'm just tired of making people frustrated that I can't be what I have to be. I'm fat. I don't have beautiful skin. My hair sucks. I suck. What good am I for?
I know it's wrong to be like this. It's no one's fault anyway. All but mine.
Maybe I just need space. I need to lick my wound for now and just rest. Get rid of all the shit that's ruining me. Pour out everything I need to throw away.
For now, I just want to write every inch of what kills me, everything that disturbs me. Write everything, until there's nothing left to write about.
DON'T FORGET TO CAST YOUR VOTES ON THIS ONE! THANKS :D
Limited Edition Red Studio Beats by Dr. Dre
This is a product review of my purchase of a Studio Beats over an online shop.
The following are photos of the actual product, courtesy of "yours truly".
What more can I say? How much happier could I be with Beats? I just got my new RED Beats by Dr. Dre from Mr. Glenn Ente of http://vvangbu.sulit.com.ph/
. Let me express my thanks to his partner, Ms. Kriesha Moratin, who helped in making this transaction a success. The red Studio Beats headphones are 100% Authentic
. I even checked the serial online and this is how it went.
Tried and tested. SERIAL# -verified- ORIGINAL from the official site of Beats by Dr. Dre.
Sound engineering has never been this good.
Simply the best. Simply high above the rest.
Sound so pure, so crisp, you could just hear every detail of the music you listen to. Artists, music producers and sound engineers work at their best to provide you the best, in every measure of the music they make, for us to appreciate. You deserve to hear it the way it is supposed to sound like. You deserve Beats.
With so many counterfeit cases over the net, earning trust in buying and selling original/authentic items is somehow jeopardized. Lucky you if you happen to meet the right one, and if you get to purchase what you really want. I'm not saying that you can't find honest people over online stores. What I'm trying to point out it is that we ought to be VERY CAREFUL in choosing the right sellers/buyers in transacting over the net. Scammers do exist. Bogus-buyers/sellers do exist. There are people out there who're committed to fool you and rip-off your money for their benefit. They're too lazy to work hard to earn their own money.
I, myself, got tangled into this kind of situation just last Christmas. And I know, it's kinda embarrassing to say this, but that scammer got almost 6000 pesos from me. To top it all, I even gave him/her a tip for the shipment. Earlier that day, so many circumstances bumped into my way, as if, trying to pull me out of that situation I committed myself into. My bad. Regretfully, I did not heed that warning and was not wise enough to comprehend the intertwined logic of what was happening back then. Past is past. I've learned from it. So, don't be like me, okay. Just being concerned here :)
BEWARE OF FAKE BEATS! There are many sellers claiming that they're offering you authentic Beats. Before you know it , you've been fooled! Choose who to transact with. Know the serial and search for other tips on how to check the authenticity of the of Beats your going to purchase. There are so many of these stuffs over the net. You just need a click.
First question: Why are Beats costly? It is because of its quality, comfort and style, molded into a one of a kind, highly indispensable unit. The secret is the technology. That's what made it famous across the globe. International artists and celebrities like Keri Hilson, Eminem, P.Diddy, Justin Beiber, Gwen Stefani, Lady Gaga, Kanye West, Kobe Bryant and many more, own these babies.
FYI on BEATS:
Did you know that because of so many counterfeit cases
, famous buy and sell sites such as ebay.com
made it to the BLACKLIST of Beats
? Learn more about the sellers from these sites . Be wise to avail only the original. http://www.monstercable.com/counterfeit/dealers_blk.asp
Second question: Why go for the ORIGINAL if you can buy an OEM, CLASS A or REPLICA that sounds almost the same as the original? Firstly, it MAY sound the same but NOT the same. Secondly, it may look the same but it is not durable as the real one. A fake is a fake. Nothing beats the original when it comes to quality, style and comfort. Yes, you will spend more but it's worth it.
The OEMs cost half the price or even lesser than the original but you might spend for another one after your first purchase. These Beats copies do not ensure quality nor provide warranty like the real ones do. As a result, they have a diminishing quality when it comes to the performance of the product in the days to come. Yes. Reviews show that these fake Beats look good and cost less but have poor quality. Why waste money on a fake Beats? Go for the ORIGINAL. With genuine quality, you can never go wrong. Trust the original.
Nothing beats the ORIGINAL Beats.
----End of product review----
Appended: December 30, 2011
Additional pictures for proof of purchase.
I haven't put the copyright mark yet on my photos I'm currently on a vacation. Just cropped and blurred the contact and billing details from the raw photos I have. I'm sorry I cannot make it available for viewing, for security purposes.
ADD-ONs on TRUSTED SELLERS
What I value the most are people who are true to every word they say. I value diligence and honesty as much as I value honor and pride. For whatever you do, creates an image that embarks meaning in the lives of the people you come across with. You may not be famous and wealthy as those who made it in the books, but you have something you hold on to, that earns you a spot better than what's in the books. You earn a spot in the clouds above:) And trust me, with the honesty and goodness you show to everyone, you magnificently clothe yourself in honor. That is your pride. That is glory for you.
No matter who you are, always keep these wise words in mind, "Whatever you do unto others shall be done unto you". You reap what you sow. So be nice, keep your cool and keep your moral high. May He send you His legion of angels to watch over you and your entire family. To God be the glory. God bless. Mabuhay. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Emotion. A powerful entity within you. Strong enough to bind you in a world you've always dreamed of. Whether its reality or fantasy, your emotions connect that to your whole being, making you feel that this world truly exists. It brings out the best in you but it also reveals the worst you could ever be. Your emotions define you.
Emotions play a great role in influencing our personality. Too much of it is bad. But a lack of it is terrible. No matter how hard we try to be perfect, it's a sad fact that humanity has its limitations. We're vulnerable to sudden changes and mood-shifting, depending on what could pull the trigger of our emotions. And yes, despite the flaws in that human within us, we should always strive to bring out the good and do what's good. For the best, we take further steps to become wiser and better. We endeavor to become more knowledgeable of ourselves, guarding our emotions, controlling our behavior towards everyone.
When I was younger, I always thought that when I become an adult, I will become wise. I always thought that upon reaching that certain age, things will be easier to handle. I always thought it would be that easy, until I got there. It was not easy at all.
It’s really hard growing up. You get to swim in a pool of things that could influence you. You are clouded with so many questions; so many thoughts that you wish a simple “yes” or “no” could answer. You are introduced to new ideas, new faces, and new places. You get experiences that heighten your emotions, often requiring you to guard your heart and mind well. If you let your emotions get over you, you’ll be in trouble.
When I got through my schooling, things have changed. I was welcomed into the real world and got the chance to feel what real work is. It’s hard but I’m still working. I have to. I’m building my own future so that I could help building up someone else’s. At times, real life is real stress. Stress from the job itself and the people in the job. Pressure, time, and a lot more are loaded into your baggage. A lot of times, you feel overloaded yet you can’t spend the entire day whining. You can’t just put the blame on someone even if the hitch is not yours to blame. You can’t go wild arguing with everyone even if they’re really getting into your nerves or they just got past the borderline of your patience. Same goes at home, and you’ll be surprised that sometimes it’s even worse. At times you just want to whack stuffs but you have you to pull yourself together. You have to be in-control of what you feel because getting the worst of your emotions sometimes lead to stupid actions and split-second decisions you wished you never did.
Even in relationships, emotions are essential. You can never make a phone call without having someone to pick-up from the other line. It takes two to make a conversation. It takes two to approve of a new connection. The way we react matters to the other party. Expressing the right emotions bridges us the other side. How we deal with it is how things are going to be. We should know how to respond to every action taken.
I’ve been through a lot lately. Never have I imagined that things will turn around at 21. I’ve mixed with so many emotions that twisted my life. I think I grew stronger. Yet, I admit that there were judgments I’ve done that I wish I never did. There were words I wish I’ve said and statements I wish I could renounce. There were times when I thought the feeling was so right and mutual until I found out it was just me. There were moments when I felt that it’s what they call love, but sadly, I found out that I just got heightened by the idea of feeling it. It was just infatuation and my emotions withered without a trace. There were people I brought a sweet smile to. There were people I wounded and the pain I brought left scars that not even time could erase. Emotions sometimes blind us of the truth because we are searching for something that will satisfy us. We are hoping of living a fairytale kind of life which is a 99% probability of existing in the books alone. If only I could turn back the hands of time, I’d do it. But I can’t. No one can. Whatever we’ve been though, whether it’s something that built us or broke us, life must go on. At the end of the day, we are left alone with the choice to take a stand and move forward.
In time, we mature and learn. And wisdom comes at a certain decision we commit ourselves to. It’s shifting through so many emotions, so many experiences we get tangled in. So many decisions that determine what we will later become. And it’s always a 100% guarantee that you’ll never get there unless you make mistakes. Mistakes that could be light or could be grave. Mistakes wherein we get the choice to move on or get stuck forever. The cycle goes on and truly, unless we learn from all these, we don’t gain wisdom. These errors we commit might be thought of as jinxes but in reality, they can be blessings-in-disguise for they make us stronger. It’s impossible for you to jump higher unless you learn from every fall you make. We learn how to deal with our feelings. We learn how to react. And with every lesson learned and every right action addressed, gradually, we move towards wisdom. In wisdom, we become better individuals not for ourselves but for everyone. In life, we should grow stronger, so as our emotions.
Find a friend you could trust your heart with. Spend time talking it over. Do explain your point of view but don’t compromise the counseling. Always have an outlet of your negative emotions. It’s hard to control the bad but there’s always a better way to deal with things. Treat yourself with a sweet delicacy or hit the malls. Be up to something that will make you feel better instead of making your day worse, lurking in devious thoughts. Cry if you want to but wear a smile after. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Meditate. Pray if you believe. Think of what went wrong and how you’re going to solve it. Learn to pause for a moment and take a deep breath. If there’s nothing good that’s going to come out of your mouth, don’t talk at all. Silence comes in handy when you’re angry. In such a way, people get less of things they could hold against you.Why bother proving yourself too much? Why be troubled of explaining too much when you already have been judged? Explain yourself and if they refuse to listen, it’s their choice. And when the going gets really tough, smile and walk away!
Life is bittersweet and unpredictable, but we have plenty of chances to live it happily. All we need is a strong heart to say “yes” and a determined mind to say “no”, until we live our dreams. And remember, we are all in this together. Emotions, wisdom and this wild roller-coaster ride. What’s your say?
After a year of absence, I'm back from the dead! Alive. Crazier than ever and just in time for Halloween.
Wow, can't believe I've been into hiding for that long. Anyway, the blood-sucking ice-queen from the Greek world is back. If you didn't get what I said, quit thinking of it. I don't get it either! Haha (^_^)
I've kept my mouth shut for so long that talking once again almost feels like a baby uttering her first words. And I must say, I've never been this enthusiastic in blogging. Plus, studying a third language can be quite confusing especially with the differences in grammar construction and coherence. That's why I've decide to go back and relive the joy I find in writing.
So stay where you are, sit back, relax and let me do the talking. Since today is Halloween, I'll talk about Halloween. Taking Part in the Weird Ceremony
It's nearly impossible to find someone who does not know what Halloween is. Halloween is celebrated every year across the globe. Originally, it has been a practice celebrated in the western world. Now, it has spread far beyond the wide stretch of Asia.
Second in line to the Yuletide season, it is undoubtedly an extremely popular event to the young and the young at heart. An event that makes two emotions work at the same time. Fear and joy. Ironic isn't it? While everybody's scared of the fright nights and the tales from the grave, we're also dying to get the spooks in an enjoyable manner.
We ghost hunt and when we get it, we're scared to death. Then, we forbid the chances of letting a single soul miss hearing the scare-of-a-lifetime experience we had. Then, when we finally see how they grew goosebumps with their eyes all aglow, we smile to ourselves saying, "It's a story worth telling." Thus, we can say we've contributed to this celebration. Totally crazy.
Now, despite the fact that we're spooked to death of all the ghosts and creatures of the night, we dress as one. We spend hundreds to thousands of money just to let our kids walk the streets in silly costumes. We paint them with scary make-up or put on creepy zombie masks or witch-hats on their heads, snap a picture of them sporting this kind of look with a nasty looking fork, a broom or a blood-stained ax, with one hand holding a jack-o-lantern for trick-or-treat. And the best of all, we decorate our homes with the scariest and most realistic decors and life-size skeletons. Yes, it scares us yet it we all go for it.Tracing the History of Halloween
With all the ruckus happening on Halloween, ever wondered why it is celebrated and how it all started?
All Saint's Eve or All Hallow's Eve, popularly known as Halloween, is an event of British decent. It traces back to the time of the Celtics in Great Britain. Typically, it touches the Celtics' festival of S
amhain, which originated from the world "Samuin" (pronounced sow-an
), which means "summer's end". It's the heritage of the Gaels and Celts of Old England, a rite that marks the end of harvest and the start of winter. Spirits, particularly faeries were believed to be active on that season.
Trick-or-treat, in the same manner, has been prevalent in the Old Irish tradition of Halloween. Instead of having threats or misfortunes from the dead, gifts or "treats", as we call it, we're given instead.
Even the jack-o’-lantern fable came is Irish. It is a folklore about a mischievous man named Jack who was not able to enter heaven due to his frugality, and in the same manner, was not able to enter hell for playing pranks on the devil. Carrying his lantern, the condemned Jack roams the earth until Judgement Day.
Although many have been claiming that it is a worship of a deity, up to now, no factual basis has supported this, a mere theory. As far as the Old Irish history is concerned, there was no evidence of having a "lord of death" being commemorated. Finally, this ritual was handed down by the druids to the Roman conquerors who in the latter centuries, embraced themselves as Christians.
During the early Roman era of paganism, Feralia, a holiday observed on February 21 (end of the Roman year) was celebrated in memory of the departed. During the event, people offer prayers together with their sacrifices for the souls to attain eternal peace. Originally practiced as a pagan event, Pope Boniface IV, who was awarded by Emperor Phocas with the rulership of Pantheon, Rome in 609, rededicated it under the title St. Maria ad Martyres (or St. Mary and All Martyrs). More than a decade later, Pope Gregory III changed the commemoration of the event from May 13 to November 1 as the Feast of All Saints or All Saints Day.
All Souls Day, on the other hand, was approved as a practice by Pope Benedict XIV on November 2, 1708. Originally practiced by Benedictine monks, prayers we're offered for the faithful departed and all the souls in purgatory. Furthermore, in the late 18th century, this practice was officiated in commemoration of the lives lost among many Christians on the account of the proliferation of war across the European domain.
In addition to the practice of All Souls Day, Mexico had imparted their culture of making garlands, wreathes and crosses of real and paper flowers of every color, putting them on the graves of their departed loved ones. Prior to the influence of Celtic pagan tradition, it was recorded in the Middle Ages that the souls in the purgatory roam the earth on All Souls Day as witches, goblins, toads, zombies and other evil creatures.
Coinciding with the changes in time, the shards of tradition from paganism gradually became acceptable to the society with respect to the celebration of Halloween. Still, the Church had been continuing the celebration of All Saints Day and All Souls Day, divergent from its pagan roots.
Though, some Christians approve and disapprove of Halloween, undoubtedly, it's one fun event that appeals to many, especially to the kids.
I believe, taking part in the fun celebration of this season is not enough to brand you as an evil person. It's what we do and how we live that make us up as an individual. As adults, as, Christians, as knowledgeable citizens, we have to be reminded of the true commemoration of these events. Let's be responsible of our duties to our faith, to the society and to ourselves. That our actions will not mislead the young ones to the shadows of our vague heritage.